I Think I'm Waltzing Japanese

This video of a waltzing robot further proves my theory: The Japanese are Crazy!

Flying Elvis Pelvic Malfunction

(AP) BROWNING, Mont. A "Flying Elvis" suffered a broken pelvis during the grand opening of the Glacier Peaks Casino here. Paul Moran is a member of The Flying Elvi, a 10-member skydiving team made up of Elvis Presley impersonators, who were hired to parachute into the parking lot at the casino Friday.

Other members of the troupe said the Las Vegas man apparently misjudged the landing and hit the ground at 50 mph.

"I talked to his family (Monday) and they said he is doing well, but he did break his pelvis," said Gary Green, casino manager.

Moran was taken to the Blackfeet Community Hospital and then flown to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle, where he is listed in serious condition in the intensive care unit.

Drunk and Disorderly Bear

Lyons, Colorado -- Wildlife officers described a bear outside a school as drunk and disorderly.

The wobbly bear was spotted in a neighborhood near Boulder Tuesday afternoon. Neighbors new something was fishy when the animal was having trouble staying on her feet.

Wildlife officers think she over-indulged on fermented fruit. Officers used a bean bag gun to stun the bear, then they tranquilized her. Officers will return her to the wild after she sobers up.

Read More.

Chinese Penis Rejection

According to the Guardian Unlimited, the first successful penis transplant has ended in rejection. FTA (link): “Chinese surgeons have performed the world's first penis transplant on a man whose organ was damaged beyond repair in an accident this year. Although the operation was a surgical success, surgeons said they had to remove the penis two weeks later. "Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off," Dr. Weillie Hu said.” Ooookay. The facts in this story are funny enough…so below are a list of one-liners and alternative headlines that will suck the funny out in true Monkey Fartz fashion: In Communist China, penis rejects you. Peking Dick Now Homeless At 1cm, Transplant Patient Still Larger than Chinese Average Dr. Weillie’s Willie Woe Dead Dick Dumped Man Rejects Transplanted Penis after Catching it in Bed with Wife Zombie Wangs I think that about does it. Feel free to add your own! Cartoon courtesy of: BoomersFunnies

Land Sharks--The New Threat?

The Associated Press reports that scientists combing through the fauna off Indonesia's Papua province said Monday they had discovered dozens of new species, including a shark that walks on its fins and a shrimp that looks like a praying mantis (link to real article).

What was once only an un-funny sketch on Saturday Night Live (link to video) is now a frightening reality. I, for one, welcome our new land dwelling fin-walking shark overlords. Below is exclusive footage (that has absolutely no element of truth) on this threat:

Crazy Ad: The Wish Machine

For only (you guessed it) $25 (plus s/h), you too can understand, build, and apply the basic technology of the "Wish Machine"! Here is an actual ad from the wonderful [-ly crazy] folks at Global Communications:

The Would-Be Iraqi Penis Bomber...Oh...Pumper.

The Associated Press (link) reported:

"Chicago prosecutors [after they could stop laughing] dropped all charges Wednesday against a man who claimed an airport security guard misheard him when she thought he'd said a penis pump in his backpack actually was a bomb.

Mardin Amin'sattorney added that Amin, an Iraqi, has a thick accent and she herself had trouble understanding him until he brought the pump to her office. She said she recently learned Arabic speakers sometimes have trouble distinguishing "p" and "b" sounds..."

...and that apparently Iraqi men have small penises. Apparently, Swedish-Made Penis enlargers are his bag, baby.

Woman Faces Prison for Fire "Down Below"

A Canadian woman is facing prison time for setting her boyfriend's penis on fire (article). Sentencing arguments will begin in November. Legal analysts Steven Slimovitch believes that the woman could likely avoid any jail time unless she acted with "premeditation". Let that sink in for a second

I'm not an expert in the law or genital arson, but igniting a Willie...maliciously...probably deserves more than a fine. If not, I may just have to avoid Canada as a potential travel destination. This could set a very dangerous precedent for would-be Penis Pyros (c).

Canadia men beware, this woman is free on bail until sentencing.