Panda: "No means no"

In China, a 29-year-old man was attacked and mauled on Tuesday by GuGu the Panda in her crib (link). Apparently, alcohol is to blame...shocker.

The man contends that GuGu invited him back to her place for a little "Bam-Boo". The details are sketchy, but things quickly turned to violence. He claims that he and the "Panda Whore had a few drinks...one thing led to another and...well...you know."

The panda was unavailable for comment and is reportedly in therapy. Sources close to GuGu say they aren't surprised as she "is a tease that will do almost anything for bamboo."

Chinese Penis Rejection

According to the Guardian Unlimited, the first successful penis transplant has ended in rejection. FTA (link): “Chinese surgeons have performed the world's first penis transplant on a man whose organ was damaged beyond repair in an accident this year. Although the operation was a surgical success, surgeons said they had to remove the penis two weeks later. "Because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife, the transplanted penis regretfully had to be cut off," Dr. Weillie Hu said.” Ooookay. The facts in this story are funny enough…so below are a list of one-liners and alternative headlines that will suck the funny out in true Monkey Fartz fashion: In Communist China, penis rejects you. Peking Dick Now Homeless At 1cm, Transplant Patient Still Larger than Chinese Average Dr. Weillie’s Willie Woe Dead Dick Dumped Man Rejects Transplanted Penis after Catching it in Bed with Wife Zombie Wangs I think that about does it. Feel free to add your own! Cartoon courtesy of: BoomersFunnies