Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Classic: Hollywood Laws of Computing

I received this awhile back in one of the -many- received and rarely viewed humor spam emails. It's a pretty funny look at the Laws of Computing...according to Hollywood.

  1. People never have to look at the screen or use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
  2. Super-computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes.
  3. All computer panels (e.g. Star Trek) have thousands of Kilovolts running just underneath the panels. Any Malfunction is indicated by a big flash and loads of sparks, a puff of smoke, and an explosion that forces people backwards.
  4. Some computers slow down the text output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. An optional pip sound can be produced as each letter or line is displayed.
  5. The most technical the equipment, the more (unlabelled) buttons it has.
  6. No matter what format of computer disk you have, it will be readable by any system you put it into. Therefore, all application software in movies is usable by all computer platforms.
  7. Real-time video communication is possible on small hand held devices and small laptops ; also when using wireless modems, the speed of data transfer is always around 3 Gigabytes per second.
  8. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under 5 seconds.
  9. Whenever a movie character looks at a VDU, the screen image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
  10. The internet connects to everything in the movies. You can edit credit records, search hotel registries, lookup police criminal files, search drivers license databases, edit social security files and more just using the internet!
  11. Smashing the VDU will prevent the whole system from working.
  12. You can launch nuclear missiles from any bedroom using an analog modem, but only if you know a single secret password.

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