Donuts--Is there nothing they can't do?

Scientists have just discovered a method to infuse caffeine into donuts without any bitter aftertaste (link). This research is a result of a growing demographic that simply can’t wait for the long term negative effects of obesity, tooth decay, and diabetes. This caffeine-infused donut is a prototype for foods that offer both immediate AND long-term health problems. “Sure, you’ll still get fat from our donuts…but who wants to wait months or even YEARS to see results? With our foods, you’ll know it’s working within minutes when you feel your heart race, start to sweat, and the jitters set in. And this is only the beginning,” said KEF Industries’ spokesperson. Reportedly, tobacco and alcohol companies have approached KEF Industries with ideas for future products. While we are likely years away beer-claws and bagel-rettes, it’s comforting to know that top scientific minds are dedicated to the cause.